i don't know what to say. i don't know what to think. i have no idea of anything anymore.

anyways. i have to say that i don't know what i was doing, or how i was somehow different just now. whatever it is. if i did anything wrong at all, i'm sorry. i really am. and, i don't even know what i'm saying sorry for. what's this?

i have no idea what's wrong with me. i'm so wierd today. especially with the walk home today. i was such a loner, but it was good. it gave me time to think, time to reflect. thanks for worrying. and thanks for "saving" my life muhd. ya know, i don't know what happened just now. i blanked. i think i saw the car, i think i did at least. but, i don't know. there were so many thoughts running through my mind. and, i guess, to many things jumbled up really screws you up. but, after that, i did pay attention to the road. but, thank you guys for worrying.

ya know. i have no idea what i'm doing with my life right now. it's spiralling way down. all the things that i want to accomplished, ain't getting done. but i thank you, i thank you, for showing me the way once again. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for the wrong things i've done. i'm sorry for hurting you. i'm sorry. i know that you will forgive me. but, i shouldn't have those things. no one can ever replace you. no one. i love you. thank you for showering me with unconditional and overpowering love. yet i've done nothing but pushing you away and hurting you. i'm sorry.

-

i have no idea why felt those ways. what came over me, i don't know. but, all i know, is that, i've been hurt by your actions. and, i will pretend that i never knew anything at all, and just move on with my life. things are different, face it. i don't think it will ever be the same again. ever. i'm sorry, but how i misjudged you. never ever again. never ever again will i be that easy. will i be that simple. never, never, ever again. that i promise.

-

somehow, i'm heartbroken. but, i don't know by what. maybe it's just all the guilt. all the lies that i've been hiding behind. well, maybe not actual lies, but, the stuff that i've kept hidden. the superficiality of who i am. i've been hiding, behind this mask. and, i guess, i'm beginning to crack. but, i'm not going to say it. i don't think i would. i've heard all the testimonies, i have heard what all of you have to say. so, i will never say it. i'm sorry for that too. i know you three care alot for me. i know that you three are the closest i have, the dearest to me; but, no matter how un-judgemental you are, you will be, to some extent. and, i've tried to tell, not to you three, but to another, well, they didn't believe me. so, whatever it is, i think i'm just going to keep my mouth shut.

-

i love that walk home. i hear the words you spoke to me. i'm a changed person. i know i am. but, how can i ever forgive myself. each tear that falls down my cheek, ain't helping at all. and i can't believe it. i'll remember this night forever. thank you for saving me. thank you for pulling me out just as i took what i thought was my last breath. thanks for being there when i needed you. you've been by my side, and i thank you. i thank you for what i have. everything. what more do i actually need? what more.

anyways, from now on. i'm going to be that over-achiever. i'm going to work towards those things that actually matter in my life. please show me the way. i don't wanna be lost again.

-

today, has been one crazy day. i feel terrible. i mean, after drinking a mocha latte and i still feel so tired and shitty, but, i'm going to study tonight, no matter how late it is. i'm going to do good. i'm going to do all those things. i'm going to do it good. no matter what it is; i will succeed.

-

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Lights are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
[There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around
[no one around]
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[One lonely star you don't know who you are]

I've always been in love with you
[always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true
[you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-byeSay good-bye [bye bye],
say good-bye

Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart
[breaking my heart]
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
[Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown]
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played
[role that you played]
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star
[One lonely star and you don't know who you are]
I've always been in love with you
[always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true
[you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-byeSay good-bye [bye bye],
say good-bye

All the world is a stage
[world is a stage]
And everyone has their part
[has their part]
But how was I to know which way the story'd go
How was I to know you'd break
[You'd break, you'd break, you'd break]
You'd break my heart

I've always been in love with you
[I've always been in love with you]
Guess you've always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

Say good-bye [bye bye],
say good-byeSay good-bye
-
now, this is what i call, a really, really, really disjointed post. well, if this don't make any sense at all to you. too bad. but, for those who do. good for you then. whatever.
-
i miss the both of you so much.
hope that you guys are doing alright.
i love you guys to the toes. ((:
manda.

cable cars and sunsets. the simplicity of it all. loves it.




okay, this reminds me of the extremely heated debate at school today. it was super duper fun! haha. okay. super random here.